What Matters?

Sometimes life comes down to that thought, “what matters?” I’m really searching for the answer to that question. Sometimes it seems things work out so easily, then other times it seems that things don’t work out quite right….that’s not to say they aren’t working at all, but they’re just not quite right. For me? Well, I think I’ve been pretty fortunate in most every situation I’ve been involved in, at least when it really comes down to it. It doesn’t always feel that way, but it’s true.

As for this moment?….well, I’m sitting in a hotel room in San Diego, had a pretty excellent weekend. Others that I know, that I recently found about out, basically had their world turned upside down in the blink of an eye….these events also happened this weekend. I’m trying to sort my thoughts and get them in a line, but it’s not working so well. Oh well, I guess that’s life right? The one thing I have learned time and time again are the endless possibilities that are available. It can be hard for me to identify with and hold that feeling, but really, anyone can do anything, it’s just a matter of acting on a premonition, or a “gut feeling.”

The other question that moments like this stir, is “Why do things work out the way they do?” and “how much control do we really have,” or “how much does the universe control….or the alignment of the stars, or whatever you want to call it?” I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that I’m pretty fortunate in general, it doesn’t always feel that way, and it’s even sometimes hard to admit, but I know it’s true.

I’m really feeling like I want to write everything that I’m feeling and/or thinking in this blog as if I’m writing a journal that only I’ll ever see, but I can’t do that. For various reasons, but mostly I feel like that’s a little too divulging, just regarding my own feelings. Perhaps that’s something that needs to be dealt with. After all, shouldn’t we really be comfortable with ourselves enough to bear anything? Maybe, but I’m not there. As great as my weekend was, and life in general, for some reason it doesn’t quite feel that way.

In any case, perhaps I’m being too “tragically hip” at the moment, trying to be too philosophical. That’s just a wall to hide behind really, but in the end, I guess that’s okay too. I like a quote that I heard in the movie Castaway. It goes something like this, “Tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring in.”