Sometimes life comes down to that thought, “what matters?” I’m really searching for the answer to that question. Sometimes it seems things work out so easily, then other times it seems that things don’t work out quite right….that’s not to say they aren’t working at all, but they’re just not quite right. For me? Well, I think I’ve been pretty fortunate in most every situation I’ve been involved in, at least when it really comes down to it. It doesn’t always feel that way, but it’s true.

As for this moment?….well, I’m sitting in a hotel room in San Diego, had a pretty excellent weekend. Others that I know, that I recently found about out, basically had their world turned upside down in the blink of an eye….these events also happened this weekend. I’m trying to sort my thoughts and get them in a line, but it’s not working so well. Oh well, I guess that’s life right? The one thing I have learned time and time again are the endless possibilities that are available. It can be hard for me to identify with and hold that feeling, but really, anyone can do anything, it’s just a matter of acting on a premonition, or a “gut feeling.”

The other question that moments like this stir, is “Why do things work out the way they do?” and “how much control do we really have,” or “how much does the universe control….or the alignment of the stars, or whatever you want to call it?” I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that I’m pretty fortunate in general, it doesn’t always feel that way, and it’s even sometimes hard to admit, but I know it’s true.

I’m really feeling like I want to write everything that I’m feeling and/or thinking in this blog as if I’m writing a journal that only I’ll ever see, but I can’t do that. For various reasons, but mostly I feel like that’s a little too divulging, just regarding my own feelings. Perhaps that’s something that needs to be dealt with. After all, shouldn’t we really be comfortable with ourselves enough to bear anything? Maybe, but I’m not there. As great as my weekend was, and life in general, for some reason it doesn’t quite feel that way.

In any case, perhaps I’m being too “tragically hip” at the moment, trying to be too philosophical. That’s just a wall to hide behind really, but in the end, I guess that’s okay too. I like a quote that I heard in the movie Castaway. It goes something like this, “Tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring in.”

So, as everyone who reads this knows, I’ve kind of been on a hiatus from cycling over the past two years. Raced a lot, A LOT during the ‘06 season and had a pretty fantastic year by my standards. I feel like there is a lot more of where that came from and am digging to prepare mentally for the winter training months that are just ahead. Admittedly, it’s not my favorite part of bike racing, but one thing I definitely hate worse is coming into the season out of shape and getting my ass kicked.

The FFKR team has had a fantastic year and while I didn’t contribute, I’m really psyched that I’ve been able to be a part of it in whatever way I have been.  Anyway, to summarize this post, a few guys on the local scene like to talk, which is fine….I suppose it’s part of the game, although I don’t really like it much. But one comment I heard recently was, “I could beat your whole team using only one leg.” While this particular rider is strong, I don’t think he’s strong enough to be making those kinds of comments, but whatever it takes I suppose.

Regardless, every time I hear something like that (there are many more), it deepens that motivation to come back with a vengeance next year. See you on the road.

Stewie: “So you finally did it, eh?

Look Brian, I’ve gotta warn you, that ****** is ground zero man, I mean, I *wrecked* that thing on the way outta there. On my way I even had room to carve “Brooks was here” on the wall. Did you see that? Did you see Brooks was here? Hmmm?  What with Chris going before me I didn’t even have to stoop over, even had room to twirl a cane as I strolled.”

Brian: “Now you’re just exaggerating.”

Stewie: “Yeah, but only a little bit. That’s the messed up thing.”

With the names included I shouldn’t even have to tell you what the preceding dialog references, but one of the better, more crude episodes of all time.

I started off this entry with the phrase, “I finally did it.” But that reminded me of said episode and I couldn’t help but post that. In any case, I also “finally did it.” Cruised over to T-Birds house last night and picked up my new bike, none other than the Pinarello Prince. I couldn’t help but notice the look in his eye as I rolled away, I felt like I was stealing his first born or something, despite the fact that I gave him a bunch of money for it. However, on my ride into work this morning I quickly forgot about that feeling and instead had to focus on not falling off as I kept leaning over to watch the bike as I was riding, just to make sure it was really there. And sure enough, it was.

My acquisition of the Prince was not without purpose, in fact, it might be two fold. A) Have the coolest bike on the amateur scene anywhere, and B) hope it motivates me to get off my ass and train this fall/winter for next season. So far it’s accomplished both, but I gotta see what I’m feeling like in December, January. That’s the real test of truth.

So….that’s about all I have to say at the moment. Not really in the mood to blog much, as has been quite evident over the past month or so. Don’t really want to say anything about politics, it will mostly likely either depress me, or anger me beyond words. So, here you go. I’ll be on the road.

And I can’t go to bed. I’ve been trying for the last hour, but instead I’m stuck in front of my computer listening to music. In fact, I can’t even get to a different song. I’ve been sitting here listening to it for the last 30 minutes and have even written down the minute/second markers of my favorite parts.

So, I know you’re dying to know what it is and I’ll tell you, but know that this kind of information doesn’t come easily. Basically, I know I have the best music taste in the world, and most other people know it too, they just aren’t able to appreciate it the way I do, but at least we all realize that much. So my sharing it is quite generous and I only do so knowing that someone will appreciate it the way I do. (Unfortunately, I’m only halfway sarcastic in this paragraph, maybe even less.)

So, on to the show. Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, song “Ragged Company.” Best guitar moments, 1:30, 1:47, 2:02, 3:08. It’s actually quite hard to pick those out, because there are so many. The instrumental at 2:26 is also great, as is the key change at 2:51, not to mention her obvious passion at 3:05 – 3:12. Love it. The best phrase of the song, however, is “Take a blue canoe around the world and never come back again,” especially when heard in context. One more time, then off to bed. Long live Grace Potter…and while we’re at it, Josh Ritter.

The Roots three weeks ago, Josh Ritter/Andrew Bird two weeks ago, then the Mile High music festival which included Josh Ritter and Andrew Bird again, plus Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. Hadn’t heard of them before, but absolutely incredible. Super fun show….also saw Ingrid Michaelson, Martin Sexton and couldn’t pass up Tom Petty.

Tonight is James McMurtry and I don’t know that I have the energy to go, this is compounded by the fact that Yonder Mountain String Band is on Thursday. Somehow, I think I’ll end up making it to both. After that, I have nothing until August 22-24. That’s three weeks, plenty of recovery time. I’m tired….in general.

I’m leaving my office in T – 19 minutes to walk to the Gallivan center and get my front row spot for the Josh Ritter show tonight. Nevermind that it doesn’t start for six hours, and he probably won’t go on for 7.5 hours. But damn if I’m not getting a front row spot. I can’t sit still…yes, I’m THAT excited.

I raced on Tuesday, felt surprisingly well. Covered a few moves and attacked on the last lap only to completely and utterly BLOW UP on the final straight. At least my teammate took 3rd.

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged, and really, I don’t feel like it’s been long enough. My general malaise towards sharing any detail of my life events has increased in recent weeks. Actually, I don’t think it’s so much that as it is that I’m simply not in the mood. However, I came across a story from a friend that impressed me to no end. I can’t help but share.

This is a copy/paste from just a few of our 1,384,990,834 lines of dialogue we’ve shared since initially chatting on line 3-4 years ago. It’s now a daily occurrence, without which I don’t quite feel like work is work. Or maybe it actually is work without it…I don’t know. Anyway, on to the show:

I really am at my limit.

So i asked my secretary to create some binders for a hearing next week. I wanted the complaint, answer, motions, etc. in it.

I say “will you print them off double sided so we can conserve space? if you don’t know how, ask (names removed to protect the ignorant) (the other secretary).”

She says “sure.”

I come back from lunch with a msg from her.

“Um, I found these documents and printed them out but none of them are double sided”
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A DOUBLE SIDED ELECTRONIC DOCUMENT

Okay, so the first time I read that I chuckled, but everytime since I have laughed even more. I’m not sure what kind of smarts it takes to be able to hit “properties” inside the print window. But what do I know, I’ve been printing for years so I’m pretty good at it. Seriously, Funny!!!

Anyway, I found a new artist today, Christopher Bell. Really, really, really good.

There are few things better than a bowl of raspberries and Josh Ritter, or maybe The Frames. But actually, a game 4 Boston victory in LA comes close.

I’m sitting here trying to get some actual work done, but for some reason am not doing a very good job. I’m pretty much okay with that though, seems to be the theme of the day. Anyway, Sugar House….interesting race. It’s the criterium equivalent to the East Canyon Road Race. Everyone that hasn’t raced all year, but thinks Sugar House is really fun comes out. There’s nothing wrong with that, I did it last year, it actually makes the race pretty fun since the field gets so big. I was pretty terrified about a 90 minute crit though, the longest I had done prior was 75 and that about killed me.

For some reason I can’t find any motivation to even get past that first paragraph, I have no idea why. I finished the race, have no idea on my place, was pretty active which made me feel good. I think my fitness is getting good.

All for now.

I used to really like racing on the oval, and I guess to a certain extent I still do. But I don’t know if I’ve raced it once this year without a crash occurring. Seriously, people…that crack that exists coming into the finishing straight is still there. It’s been there every single time we’ve made that turn this year and as far as I can tell, it’s not going anywhere. Furthermore, it’s been there the last 30 times we’ve ridden by it in the last 20 minute period.

So I decided to not be a total bastard and deleted a portion of this post that was previously posted…hmmm, that was a weird sentence. Anyway, I’m down to 155.0, which is basically the least I’ve weighed in probably close to 6 months. That makes me happy, 152 and I might be able to climb again.